Archive for April, 2015

As uninspiring as the name is, The Thing (1982) is appropriately named – what else do you call an alien that takes over organisms on a cellular level? The real naming crime is the 2011 prequel, The Thing (2011). That’s just lazy. It’s a typical day at the American Antarctic research station when an atypical   Read More …

Categories: Movie Review

Yeah, they’re pretty fast, but honestly, considering the situations, most characters keep a level head. Buyer beware: nobody gets nearly angry enough to be considered furious. Officer Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker) is undercover in the LA street racing scene to thwart a truck-hijacking spree. After infiltrating a group led by big, angry baby Dominic Toretto   Read More …

Categories: Movie Review

If there was a contest for “Thing Most Representative of 1999”, Cruel Intentions would be the winner (but in that reality, there really is no winner). In a series of propositions and wagers over other women’s bodies that makes Dick Dastardly seem like a realistic representation of a human being, popular high-school bad girl Katherine   Read More …

Categories: Movie Review

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a chuckle-worthy concept that somehow was publish into a novel which somehow was adapted as a script, which somehow was purchased by a studio and turned into a film, which somehow got wide distribution. After finding out the man that “poisoned” his mother is a vampire, young Lincoln takes up   Read More …

Categories: Movie Review

FBI agent Frank Castle (Thomas Jane) kills the wrong son of the wrong mob boss, Howard Saint (John Travolta). To square things out in a “one of mine, 27 of yours” kind of way, Saint kills Frank’s immediate and extended family, and shoots up Frank pretty bad too. After he heals, he figures there’s not   Read More …

Categories: Movie Review